How do you measure growth?
Are you looking at the external factor and the desire to prove what you already know? Is it necessary for you to SHOW your growth? To what level are you willing to allow your growth to depend on the validation or acknowledgment from others?
I’ve spent the last few months on a spiritual journey that I’m sure I had when I was younger but after my wedding day yooooo they started speaking. I am still in my test. I was tested through many things, but the hardest test was shown through two of the most important men in my life… my husband and daddy. Forever my needs and wants were safe within them but the month of October I’ll remember forever.
There were moments I was trying to express to them, and it just seemed like nothing I said or did was seen or heard. It wasn’t big things but smaller things that mattered to me. Also, I was in my what I now know as my spiritual test. Things didn’t make sense to them. I wasn’t being harmful. If anything at all I was the opposite. My daddy raised me to give when I could and be a support to anyone in need within reason and logic. My husband fell in love with me because of my heart and the way that I care. The month of October challenged my thoughts and beliefs. I stayed the course through all the discomfort.
How did my needs become harmful to others? How did my wants change the visual of me? Why was the person I’ve been my entire life causing such chaos in the relationships I valued the most. It’s having to question myself and who I am because that’s not “how people remember”.
I had to face my own growth and who I was as a person. Two of the most valuable and important humans in my life were the only two people I engaged with on a specific day in October. Boy what a day, I listened to my husband tell me all of his things and how I was simply moving like I was in this alone. My father told me I didn’t know him as much as I thought. I was completely lost. Cut deep. I had to tell them both I can’t talk to either of you.
There is this beautiful want to protect and give me the world. The way they expressed it was through their voice tones, body language, and nonchalant (I really get this honestly lol). This was when it hit me, the world to me looks different. The way I need or want them to protect and give me the world is not exactly what it has been in our entire relationships.
Sitting in a room in the dark just my dog and me. It got so bad that not even my coping skills could help. I was forced to simply sit in it and reflect. Love is stronger than ego and being right… at least in this case. These words rang in my ear and never left me. I could pull facts from every moment, and I have them yet what do I gain from “proving”?? The answer is nothing! I may have felt validated but the relationships that mattered the most didn’t need proving. It needed communication and grace.
There are going to be people who don’t see your growth. Does that mean you didn’t grow because they didn’t see it? What do you do when someone hits you with words that simply don’t align with your new walk?
I experienced this once before my ex returned from out of the country and his thing was “you haven’t changed”. The way those words stung.
I went around checking in with my friends like actively searching for reassurance. So much so I would show up as the old me just to show the growth. That did nothing but prove to them that I DIDN’T CHANGE. Ha…
This time around I remained silent and utilized my patience and healing. It also took me humbling and losing the need to be right or prove a point. It required accountability and feelings. It required me to make the first contacts. It required me to reflect on the conversations I had with them prior and explain. Yep, sometimes Love is stronger than ego and being right.
3 takeaways…
- They aren’t always going to see it. Sometimes it’s necessary to prove, sometimes it’s necessary to stand down.
- What is the most important thing to you? I’m really good at going all the way but I also know my limits and when to let go.
- Slow down. Usually, we are moving so fast that we forget that that white flag is still an option. It may not feel natural to you but there is a lesson in slowing down and validating your own growth to you while still maintain boundaries and relationships.